Moving On....

"I'll go kicking and screaming." --AJL

Wow. Has it really been six months?

It all started with Facebook. A picture popped up on my news feed of an old high school friend I hadn't spoken to in years. He was caught in the middle laughter on a bench with five other baby Africans. I was sold, I made the decision right then that I was going to Africa. Six months later I packed up my apartment and said goodbye to the mess that was my life in New York. It's now been six months to the rest of the world, but for me, lifetimes. There are many things that I'm happy to leave in the past, right where they should be kept, and even more that I'm happy to bring into my future. When I compare my state of mind then to my state of mind now, the most significant difference in the way I feel, is strong.

We all came for different reasons. We came from different places in our lives and on the planet. For some, it was a step into the unknown, a leap of faith. For me, it was a yes instead of a no, a plane ticket instead of metro fare. When I left, I wasn't sure why I came, or what I would find, I just knew it was something I hadn't yet realized I needed. I was right. We are all looking for something. For answers to our questions, reasons for our lives, a purpose to carry out each day. Did I find this? I found this in the hands I held and the faces I washed, in the laughter and questions of my classrooms, in the gratitude of the street vendors to receive an extra 40 cents, and in the scraped knees of neighborhood five year olds. I realize now it wasn't about what I would find, but rather what would find me.

I hear sometimes we must travel great distances to find in ourselves what was there all along. By discovering others, I discovered myself. I learned the importance of being a familiar face, to share a meal...or a hand. I learned to love myself through the unconditional love of a stranger, and to appreciate myself for the right reasons. It wasn't always easy, I learned to accept harsh realities every day. I had to think three times about everything I encountered. I discovered my boundaries, and where to draw the line of self-disclosure. I learned that giving more attention to myself is more important than getting it from others. I learned to speak my truth, but know when to keep it to myself. I remembered who I was and above all, to stay true to myself. Africa--she took some of me...and I took some of her.

To my kids: Yes, once more, I promise I will not forget you.

"But she was happy; she knew the time had come to stop."
--Paulo Coehlo, Eleven Minutes

See you all soon.