....GASP. I wake up suddenly with a sharp intake of breath. I feel around next to me and with wide eyes straining to make out shapes I only gather the blackness of the room and wonder where I am. Just nights ago it seemed I had been given a glimpse of the most amazing future that awaits me; that future being my other half, Daniel, and my trip to see him in South Korea. But the familiar “thud, thud, thud” of the heating pipe in the corner draws me slowly out of sleep and into subtle consciousness. I’m in my bed on Sullivan Street, at 4:16am, vying to believe that the past two weeks really happened.
For the longest time I couldn’t really write. To write I’d need to be still, I’d need to think. I’d need to feel that I was no longer in the experience. I was back home, back in my life, back in New York…but nothing was ordinary. If I had to start somewhere, I’m not sure where I’d really begin. But I guess I could start somewhere around baggage claim, at the Busan Airport…
It seemed like my luggage toppled onto that turnstile before anyone else’s did. The second I made it through customs, as if there was no more time to waste, my bags just toppled out, first in line, no more stalling. Six months had been leading up to this. Six months, and I suppose, 26 years. The layover in Tokyo even took less time than I had anticipated. I knew that the second I walked through those big doors at the Busan airport, everything was about to change. I struggled to pull my bags off the belt. One, two…I guess that’s it. I dragged them away from the crowd, but out of viewing distance from the automatic doors. I only had to show my passport to customs and then I’d see him. He was there, waiting for me just 40 feet away.
When I saw him walking towards me, I started shaking. I couldn’t control it! I couldn’t feel my legs and as I was staring up at him I held on to his sides for fear of collapsing onto the linoleum flooring. He was so handsome. And everything I was worried about before just disappeared.
Yes, there were things I couldn’t have known before I spent time with him in person, and found out while I was there. But it wasn’t the small annoying habits people warned me about; neither the behaviors nor the expectations. It was more so things like…we’re always late, Daniel and I. It’s not that we don’t start out on time--we do. We always leave exactly when we need to. It’s the rest of the world that gets in the way. Also things like…we laugh at the same moments, all of the time. And we each pick up where the other leaves off. He cooks when I’d otherwise eat whatever is cold in the refrigerator…and I find his lost keys and wallet. He also really, really loves me. And I am thankful for that each time he reminds me. My time with him was the most natural time I've ever spent with another person. I was my best self, and he catalyzed that. I still can't believe he's in my life. And I want to spend the rest of it with him.
On the day I was supposed to leave, we woke up early and it was still dark. Painfully we got ready and I pulled my suitcases near the door. It was only when we were about to leave when we noticed the aggressive snowstorm that was happening just outside the window. This never happens in South Korea. It was a magical coincidence, though I'd like to think the universe just realized we deserve special treatment. If you asked us, we'd say we do. My flight was indeed cancelled, and though he asked me to stay forever, a few extra days was all I could manage. Never enough. But I did leave, and while the separation is hard every day, nothing could take the place of all that he is, and all that he is for me.
I’m back in the city for good these days and rocking it. I'm still dancing, drinking red wine, and keeping excellent company. Real estate is incredible, I love my job. I was on the front page of the real estate section in the NY Times twice in the past three weeks, and am working hard for my customers and clients. I love real estate; I love New York City. Mentally and physically, I can't imagine another place I'd rather be.Happy Birthday Daniel, I love you.
