The Battle

When I think I’ve won, I’ve lost again
It’s cold and dark in this world of sin
And full of regret
And I bet...you would never believe me
If I told you this secret I protect so freely
How many times can I lose the same battle
How many times can my thoughts shake and rattle
Just get back on the saddle
And try again
I wish this were fiction, this painful addiction
This drug all consuming, subconscious looming
Hypnotized from early on, toxic yet still going strong
Hostage locked up, key swallowed door stuck
Just my luck
Shivering cold, indecent, exposed, trying my best to keep composed
I scream from inside and I vow that next time
There will be no next time
So I wait and I promise and I think to myself
That I’ll stick to the plan that I've hidden so stealth
I’ll attempt to trick the captor quick
Steal away in a secondhand tick
Before I can try to cease my defenses
Or convince my thoughts there are consequences
So I wait for the right time...and commit my crime
I run so fast I pull away
But the shackles on my wrists they say,
Not so fast
You like it here remember? I’ve become your sweet surrender
Don’t forget what I do for you, how can you deny my love for you
And...
I hear the voice as she whispers softly,
Please come back I remember you fondly
Like a Siren she sings as I steer off course
Reminding me how gratified I am by her force
We’ll make it together I’ll get you through
When times get tough I know what to do
...for you
To make you happy, to make you strong
Her deceit was always my favorite song
And she sings it for me, when I need it the most
When no one else is there, she reveals my ghost
No one understands you like I do, no one loves you like I love you
I listen and...
I take her hand once again
I walk into the darkness, barely breathing in
Didn't you know that the road to hell
Is paved with good intentions...so I bid you farewell
Ashamed I can’t look anywhere but down
Walking the plank, no more solid ground
I step to the edge, with little caution
Fresh out of breath, from the exhaustion
The fall is long, the death of me
But this scare is my methamphetamine
And she holds me under as I begin to drown
Maybe I’ll do better the next time around