When I was eleven I went camping with my parents and their group of friends. This is the group of friends that hunt together. My dad hunts. We'd have campfires at night and the men would drink whiskey and tell stories. The kids would explore the woods during the day. I love exploring woods. I remember one morning finding a creek that was so beautiful it was as if I had written it into my exploration. I remember finding hills from which to sing Toby Keith's, "Should Have Been a Cowboy" at the top of our lungs. One day we took our bikes out to the main road and started pedaling uphill. There were about six of us; the boys took off ahead and the younger kids were a little behind me. I can't remember how long I was riding before I turned a corner then looked back, and realized I was the only one around. The hill seemed to be getting steeper. I rode faster, but I couldn't see anyone. It didn't matter how quickly I pedaled, I still couldn't find anyone. I even rode back down the hill a little. So I started yelling. I yelled everyone's name as loud as I could so many times. But no one yelled back and I got so scared I started crying. I remember thinking how it would be unfortunate to come across a mountain lion at that very moment. I was lost, on my own, and alone. I was terrified.
But I eventually found my way, on my own, back to the small path that served as the entry into camp, and found the parents around the tents and trailers. I wiped my eyes and pretended nothing had happened. Taking in a quick breath I realized that no one ever had to know how scared I was.
Sometimes in New York we have bad days, and mostly, we're on our own. Some of us are lucky to have the people we can trust with our overreactions and who will listen to the trivial details that make or break our spirits for the day. But I've learned that if I can get through it on my own and the moment passes, after I wipe my eyes it doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. And the next day as I'm facing 5th Avenue, it will never even have to know the difference.
2 comments:
One can have a bad, lonely moment in every city of the world, no matter if its big or small. And very often we have only ourselves to rely on... But the moment usually passes, as you said. Im having a rough patch at the moment and yesterday when i was sitting on the train station at 11.30pm i felt as if i were all alone in the world (but its not true!) and there was nobody whod stood up for me... Thats how life is.
You can never be on your own when everyone who loves you is with you at heart...On call, 24/7, 365. Even 366 on leap years. Love you Jen
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